I notice that when I am one on one with a hearing person, it is fine, but when even one other hearing person joins the conversation, I start getting left out. It’s like when I’m the only “audience,” they are forced to respond to my cues, but when a second person joins, the communication loop can now be satisfactorily closed between the hearing people and they forget about my needs. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it’s my little theory!

Your comment about second language english users is interesting, and I agree. I have had a lot of experience throughout my childhood (and a little as an adult) being around people temporarily living in the states who have had varying degrees of english fluency. I have found these people to be the most patient and friendly to communicate with. Perhaps they are more willing to work a bit harder at communication.

I am not sure what to say about your experience with signing deaf, but I agree with the comment about meeting people one by one, if this is what you are interested in. If your attitude is one of appreciation and you are serious about learning the language, I think that you will be welcomed by segments of the signing deaf community, at the least. You may or may not be surprised to know that a lot of the people you might see as part of one unified signing deaf community have had their own bad experiences of rejection by certain individuals. So don’t close yourself off completely because of a bad experience. There’s lots of nice signers out there–some are even late deafened!

Bill, I realize hearing people do not do it on purpose. Many of them have their own issues as well. Thanks for reminding me.

Lori, it was so nice to hear your side. Of course I don’t think ALL hearing people are insensitive. Your in-laws are so lucky to have a daughter-in-law like you. Interpreting isn’t easy even when you’re fluent in ASL. It says so much that you’re willing to try.

Mishka and Deaf Mommy, I don’t know what to say about people who stop signing, but continue talking right in front of you! It does seem very rude! Hasn’t happened to me because none of my family members sign well enough. I’m lucky if they remember to sign anything.

MM– You’re so right about confidence training. Deafness can be hard on the self-esteem, especially if you’re late-deafened.

Ann_C–I can’t think of a worse oversight than not including accommodations at your own father’s funeral!! I went to my husband’s uncle’s funeral recently. Even though we sat in the second row I wasn’t at a good angle to lip read and couldn’t understand a thing. My FIL gave a touching eulogy. Would have been nice to hear what he said. Yep– I consider you a friend too!

Valerie–It’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I hate wearing my hearing aids at home. Doesn’t seem to make a huge difference as far as my ability to “hear.” I’m glad to hear your CI has helped so much! I respect you for YOU too.

Paul– yes- I’ve learned over the years not to bother with insensitive people. Today one of my coworkers retired. She was one of the few who GOT IT. I’m going to miss her. But now that she’s not working, I hoep we can get together for coffee.

Julie– I have avoided a lot of after work social events too. Unfortunately, because we’re such a small group I’m afraid I now have a reputation for being kinda anti-social or standoffish. I want to change that, so I went to the retirement party today, served punch, talked to a couple people in a corner, but didn’t stay long– just long enough so everyone knew I participated.

Dianrez– It’s funny what you say about people not feeling comfortable with those who speak other languages. I’ve found that those who seem the most patient with my hearing loss are people who don’t speak english as their first language. They must know what it’s like not to understand when people are talking, and also being excluded. It’s interesting. . .

Hi, enlightened, forgetful hearing guy here.
I want you to know that if I overlooked you in the conversation, I am sorry. I am taking medication for it. (for the forgetfulness / distraction, not for the hearing). I hope you don’t stop reminding me, but I don’t blame you if you do.

I have some small idea what it’s like, when I go to a deaf chat, and watch people talking.
I have tried, and am still trying to learn sign language, but I think my “wiring” may be to old for that. So I sit and watch. Then I give up and go home. I can’t seem to learn in a class, and I don’t get to use it much when I go to a chat, so what I’ve learned gets lost. Thankful for blogs, and captioned vlogs.

I hope we both understand that it’s not a question of “hearing folks”, but “people” that are sensitive or insensitive, responsive or non-responsive, inclusive or exclusive, forgetful or thoughtful.

Mostly, you’ll find me in a corner anyway. Sit next to me, I’ll transcribe what I hear for you. You’ll have to read in between the doodles though.

I used to dive in, in ignorance mostly ! and looked very silly for a very long time, at one point I thought, what’s the point of this ? and retreated to the relative sanity of the deaf areas, but it wasn’t me. I knew I was missing out. So went back into the fray, 5 years I was called the village idiot. I didn’t react by being openly upset by that.

It took along time, in the end people would say here comes MM he doesn’t hear a word, and I found people started to accommodate me and include. I suppose it depends a lot on how you can bounce back, I went rock bottom and had to bounce VERY high to get on the lower rung again, it’s tiring, but I feel worth it. I don’t think concessions and laws do it, do you ? this is not how it works in real life…

We have to find our own level…
Settling for a little less, is sometimes better than settling for nothing at all…

I usually just dismiss the insensitive ones unless it’s crucial for me, in which case I MAKE them notice me. I also remind myself that many of them will be joining our (LD/HOH) ranks eventually. Doesn’t solve the problem, but feels a little like payback.

Paul S

I’ve been there and I understand exactly what you experienced with your co-workers. I know invisibility in the workplace, at home, at family gatherings, many other situations. I had to learn second-hand from my hearing sib’s the remembrances that family friends talked about after my father’s funeral service. It was not that comforting, to hear it second-hand. Zombie state, that one.

You want to add another pal to your circle of friends, I’ll be there, if you want to include me.