Archive for February, 2009


All In A Days Work

14/365 – the librarian in me, originally uploaded by ~shepdc~.

Last week it happened again. At the beginning of the day, I went out to my car for something and accidentally locked myself out of the building. I do this about once a year. In fact, most of us do. There were two people inside– one, like me, who couldn’t hear, and one who could. Just as I rang the buzzer, SHE pulled in, then teetered her way across the parking lot, keys in hand.

“Why did you bother buzzing?” she screeches, “Margie is just as DEAF as YOU. She can’t hear anything!” She punctuates this last with a final scoff just to make sure I understand how inconvenient it is to work with deaf people. I explain Margie isn’t alone, and that I had hoped Sue would hear it, but that she had not. I am tempted to explain that I actually CAN hear the door buzzer because my of my good low tones, but I don’t feel like going into the details of my audiogram–yet again– that early in the morning. Experience tells me she doesn’t listen anyway.

I wonder how many of you work with someone like this? Most every office has at least one difficult person. We tip toe on egg shells around them. They take offense if you offer help, because they’re “CAPABLE OF DOING IT!” But they also get annoyed when no one offers to help — “FINE! I’LL DO IT MYSELF!”

Later that afternoon someone wants to speak to her while she is taking her lunch break. I cringe.  She’s still in the building, eating in the lunch room. The message comes via a third party who mumbles. In the past, she has thrown fits when people haven’t fetched her from her lunch break to discuss “IMPORTANT BUSINESS!” But she also throws a fit when her lunch is interrupted. None of us ever knows when it’s important enough to interrupt her break, so we always do. Can’t win.

I tentatively stick my head in the door and say, “Carl needs you.” She slams down her book and glares. A few moments later she sniffs past my desk on her way to meet Carl. Five minutes later she’s stomping back, then sneers over her reading glasses, “It was LAURA, not Carl.” She says LAAUURRAA in drawn out syllables to emphasize my stupidity in mixing up the two names. I shrug. Thank God she isn’t my boss. I’d quit.

This is indeed a difficult person.  I’m not the only one who feels this way, but I am targetted more often than others because of my hearing loss.  It gives her some extra fodder to work with.

A desk mate across the way begins to chuckle. “SHE’S having a day, isn’t she?”

“I thought it was Carl,” I say. “I don’t do it on purpose, ya know?”

“You don’t do what on purpose?” she asks.

“I don’t mishear things on purpose.”

“You didn’t,” she says. “It WAS Carl that wanted her. . . and then Laura.”

It’s bad enough to mishear things, but to get blamed for mishearing when I heard right somehow seems worse.  And yet, given the choice I’d never exchange my hearing loss for her anger problem.

Wonderful as defined by Webster is a feeling aroused by something that is unexpected, marvelous and excellent; an event or thing which causes astonishment, admiration and wonder. A once popular band leader was well known for his utterance of the words “Wonderful, Wonderful.” My previous wonderful, wonderful vanished following the onset of my hearing loss which has progressed from mild to severe. A new wonderful for which I had to search relentlessly, did not come easily. In contrast to my home environment which is quiet to a fault, I found my new wonderful, wonderful at the seaside.

I also love the mountains where the soaring height gives me the sensation of a closeness to the face of God through time and space, which is more awesome than at the usual level of earthiness. But the mountains are too silent for me. Their quietness falls silent on my non-hearing ears. I do not hear their voices.

But the sea — well, that is a facet of nature that is unexplainable in normal terms. Through my hearing loss, I gained a special fondness for the sea. Nothing is more awesome than a thunder storm over the waters. Each strike of lightening is like the handwriting of God. Each thunder clap is like His powerful voice, as they remind me of His majesty and my smallness on this speck of dust called Earth. It is at the seaside that I hear best. I like the sea because of its noise. The sea is noise that I can hear. I cannot hear all noise, but I can hear the sea. I hear its thunderous roar. I hear its quietness. I hear its silence. I hear its gentle lapping at the shore. The sea speaks wonderfully to me in silence and in sound.

The sea opens my closed ears to the wonders of the years of quietness that have caused me to forget. At sea-side, I can allow myself to become engulfed in the magnitude of God’s greatness, yes, even His love at a more human, understandable level. At that nexus and plexus where the incoming Atlantic waves have dwindled and eternally kiss the sandy beach, I walk along this meeting place of solitude with the waters playing tag with my toes. I listen to its silence. I listen to its sounds. This is my wonderful, wonderful. My wonderful silence. My wonderful sounds.

by Virginia M.

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